Is this Love?

Hello and Happy February!

We’re already one month into the new year. I hope you’ve had a great start to 2022 and are staying safe.

If you haven’t read the blog for January, Invisible Weight, please check that one out as well. I have developed a weight loss plan for us that addresses the weight that doesn’t show up on a scale. Super important to lose that kind of weight too!

 

Now for this month’s blog….

In America and many countries around the world, a day (Feb. 14^th in the US) has been set aside to celebrate love. We call it Valentine’s Day. A day where people of all ages express affection for one another in tangible ways. Do you remember exchanging Valentines cards with your elementary school classmates? Or eating heart shaped candy with various words related to love written on them? I do and I actually celebrated this holiday well into adulthood.

Stores already have a selection of balloons, candy, cards and flowers in anticipation of this holiday. And pretty soon, roadside vendors will have a one stop shop for all things Valentine’s Day too!

The unofficial mascot of Valentine’s Day is Cupid. He’s considered the god of erotic love who can supposedly use his bow and arrow to find love for you. Although, I wouldn’t advise you to take any love ques from him as he has no power for a love connection.

The word love can evoke very strong emotions and expectations. For most of us, our view of love or a lack thereof was shaped by our childhood, from our parents, teenage years, the people we hung around, interactions with relatives, our first crush, marriage or birth of our children.

In my opinion, love is a word that is thrown around so loosely and seems to have lost its REAL meaning. The world has taken love to mean a number of things, many are not love at all. We’re all familiar with the phrases: I love you. I love you more. I’m in love with you. Love you, mean it. You’re the love of my life.

Far too often, people say I love you, just like the say God is great, God is good, let us thank him for our food. It’s a habit, a ritual without giving it much thought.

I think many of us have this love thing backwards, hence the reason for so many failed relationships, empty marriages, divorces, family discord, sibling rivalry, ending of friendships and contention in our circles. We seem to have our own definition of love and that’s how we show up.

If we really loved people the way we say we do, there would be less gossiping, jealously, divisiveness, discord, holding grudges and unforgiveness. I’m afraid we have a lot of work to do.

Unfortunately, we have taken a word that is just as powerful as its creator and watered it down to suit our personal desires and motives. We use it to manipulate people and control situations.

In 1965 Jackie Deshannon sang a familiar song that was also later recorded by Dionne Warrick. The song is still relevant today and I couldn’t agree more. (I don’t own rights to any of these lyrics.)

Some of the lyrics are:

What the world needs now is love, sweet love

It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of

What the world needs now is love, sweet love

No, not just for some, but just for every, every, everyone

 

Who is love?

God is the originator of love, it’s his concept. Love is HIS word. It describes his being. It’s who he is.

I John 4:8 tells us… The person who refuses to love doesn’t know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can’t know him if you don’t love. (MSG translation)

Love is God, God is love, you can’t separate them. God and love are synonymous.

If you’re talking about love, you’re talking about God. If you’re talking about God, then you’re talking about love.

And speaking of God and his love, I hope you know how much God really loves you. You entered this world lavishly loved. Always remember that. Even if the people who were responsible for your conception never told you they loved you…it’s unfortunate and hurtful but let me assure you that you are loved. You don’t have to do anything to earn it and there’s nothing you can do to lose it. God’s love for you is forever and unconditional. Whether you accept His gift of salvation or not, he still loves you. No one will ever love you as much as God does. His kind of love is unmatched.

 

There are 4 distinct types of Love:

1. Storge: family love, between parents, siblings and relatives

Sad to say but family conflict has been around since sin entered the world. Remember Cain and Abel? Joseph and his brothers? We don’t get to choose who we’re related to but we do get to choose how someone treats us. The phrases “blood is thicker than water” and “we are family” are not an open invitation to mistreat someone based on the fact that you’re “family.” Jesus must have known that family discord, jealously and strife would be an issue. He addressed this very matter in Matthew 12: 46-50. It’s unfortunate that family members all over the world are estranged from each other for various reasons. It takes a repentant heart, open and honest conversation and forgiveness to address any issues. But most often, pride gets in the way of mending these broken relationships.

2. Eros: romantic love, sensual love between husband and wife

Many confuse lust with love. Lust and love are exact opposites, there is no comparison.

Lust is sinful, derived from your flesh, it’s never satisfied and will destroy you. There are many relationships, marriages and homes that have been torn apart by lust.

Someone can have lust for you, have sex with you, for many years and still never love you. They use those 3 famous words (I love you) as a tool of manipulation to use you and keep your soul tied to them.

You loving someone WILL NOT make them love you. You can’t control their decision. You can bend over backwards, buy them everything under the sun, be loyal, faithful, have their children, lose yourself and it will still never be enough. And actually, real love doesn’t require you to do most of those things. Rather it’s a sign of a deeper thirst inside of you that a relationship won’t fix.

Ladies, let’s graduate from giving our time, body, money and mind to these smooth talkers, master manipulators, cheaters, time wasters, non-committers, and ungodly men.

I am team marriage 1000%. It makes me happy to see husband and wife walking in love and honoring the vows they made to God and each other.

But it saddens me to see women settle for a piece of a man or somebody else’s man. I’ve never seen anything good come from that.

I admonish you to love God, learn to love yourself and wait on a man that is worthy of you. It’s up to us to know our worth and respect ourselves. So, set the standard and don’t lower the bar for anyone. Ask God for wisdom and discernment so that you don’t break your own heart.

3. Philia: love between friends, love between humanity, brotherly love

This type of love is shared with friends, coworkers, your neighbor next door, your community, your church family and people all over the world. If only we could love each other without judgment, hatred, racism or jealously. What a wonderful world this would be!

4. Agape: the highest form of love. The love God has for all his creation. It is pure, unconditional and everlasting. This type of love can ONLY be given by God. It’s exclusively his.

 

Since God is love, He also defined what true love is. It can be found in I Corinthians 13, what I like to call the love chapter.

It’s only the I Corinthians 13 kind of love that we should accept and give, anything else is counterfeit. We have to love God’s way in order to properly love ourselves and those around us. We can’t skip over God/ourselves and try to love others, it won’t work. God was very clear that we are to love him first (heart, soul, mind, and strength included), ourselves and then our neighbor. You can only love someone else to the degree that you love you!

 

Characteristics of Love

LOVE is:

Patient: takes its time, doesn’t rush, willing to wait, hangs in there, is long-suffering, goes the extra mile, doesn’t easily get upset, has endurance

Kind: warm, welcoming, compassionate, pleasant, generous, tenderhearted

Rejoices in the truth: The truth of God’s word should guide our decisions and behavior. God’s word is life and obedience to his word results in a bounty of blessings.

Always protects: guards, shields, defends, watches over

Always trusts: firmly believes, is confident, has faith, doesn’t waver

Always hopes: full of faith, it believes, it expects, is fully persuaded that there’s light at the end of the tunnel

Always perseveres: keeps going, is persistent, doesn’t give up, is determined even in the face of difficulty, has stick-to-itness

Love never fails: has no beginning or ending, always exists and can be relied on, will still be here a million years from now

 

What LOVE isn’t:

Does not envy: not jealous of others, their possessions, their blessings, their accomplishments, their life, their influence, the way God chooses to use and bless them

Does not boast: not a show off, loud or boisterous, doesn’t brag or have a big ego, not prideful, doesn’t feel superior, not conceited

Is not proud: is not self-righteous or self-sufficient, not self-made but needs God and others

Is not rude: not abrasive or harsh to people, not disrespectful, hateful, spiteful

Is not self-seeking: doesn’t seek to be the center of attention, doesn’t have a me, myself and I mentality, is not self-absorbed

Is not easily angered: not impulsive when upset, doesn’t have emotional outbursts or fits of rage

Keeps no record of wrongs: not petty, doesn’t hold grudges, doesn’t remind you of your past, doesn’t remember what you did to them 20yrs ago

Does not delight in evil: doesn’t condone or agree with wrongdoing no matter who it is, including themselves/family/friends/humanity

It’s crucial to know what love is and what it isn’t. This will help us recognize when we are giving or receiving love. Love is not a bunch of talking, it’s doing! So, saying I love you also means it’s SHOW TIME! Love on display is crystal clear and leaves no room for doubt. Love is backed up by action.

 

I Love You are 3 words that can do more harm than good if you don’t mean it.

A person who says they love you but are always putting you down, sayings things that are hurtful, doesn’t love you.

A person who says they love you but celebrates your downfall, doesn’t love you.

A person who says they love you but is jealous of you, doesn’t love you.

A person who says they love you, yet causes you pain and apologizes without changing their behavior, doesn’t love you.

A person who confesses their love for you but is someone else’s spouse, doesn’t love you.

A person who says they love you yet smiles in your face but talks about you behind your back, doesn’t love you.

A person who says they love you however, abuses you in any form (mentally, physically, sexually and/or financially) doesn’t love you.

A person who says they love you and has promised numerous times to change for the better but still hasn’t, doesn’t love you.

A person who says they love you but only shows up when it’s convenient to have their needs met, doesn’t love you.

A person who says they love you but is intimidated by your success, doesn’t love you.

A person who says they love you on social media but mistreats or ignores you in person, doesn’t love you.

A person who hates themselves can’t love you.

If you have to wonder if someone loves you, they don’t. Real love is undeniable!

 

Everyone longs to be loved but real love doesn’t require you to beg, bargain, lose your dignity, accept mistreatment, or be abused in order to receive it. Real love is the exact opposite of all those things.

When someone says they love you, it should be confirmation of what you already see and feel from that person. It should not come as a surprise; their love should have been obvious long before they said it.

Love is what you do to prove what you said was true. God took action to show how much he loved us. He sent his only Son to die for our sins so that our relationship with Him could be reconciled. Love and proof go hand in hand.

So, the next time someone says, I love you, don’t be so quick to get excited and giddy, rather pause to see if there has been any demonstration of those words. People who say they love us should be held accountable to make sure they’re showing us too! I’ve been in loveless relationships because I was desperate to hear those 3 words and overlooked the fact that there was no proof.  All I walked away with was wasted time and a broken heart. No one should get a pass when it comes to saying I love you without proving it. No. one.

Let’s face it, we’re all human and there are times when we are not as loving as we should be. We sometimes take our frustrations out on those around us, say and do hurtful things. However, even in those instances, a person who loves you will apologize, give you permission to hold them accountable and seek to right their wrongs. Humility is love on display.

Too often we focus so much on our platforms, titles, spiritual gifts, size of our home, bank account, or social media influence and forget NONE of that matters without love.

And I John 4:8 clearly states that the person who does not love does not know God! Woah, now that’s a statement to seriously think about! I pray we keep the main thing the main thing, which is LOVE! Otherwise, we’re making a bunch of noise with our lives that won’t amount to anything or even matter in the end.

 

Self-Assessment Time!

1. What is my current definition of love?
2. How has my life been shaped by my perception of love?
3. Have I ever confused love with lust? If so, how and what was the outcome?
4. How do I demonstrate my love for God?
5. How do I show love for myself? What are some ways that I practice it?
6. What characteristics of love do I possess according to I Corinthians 13?
7. What areas of my love walk need improvement? How can I love God, myself and others better?
8. Do I allow people in my life to say they love me but overlook the fact that they never show it? If so, what changes do I need to make to hold myself and others accountable for demonstrating a healthy love relationship?

 

I’ve made the decision that I will no longer allow myself to be in places and spaces where I’m just tolerated but not loved or appreciated. I don’t have that kind of time to waste doing life with people that don’t genuinely love me. We should love everyone but there has to be boundaries in place to protect our heart.

We have to stop wasting time with unavailable people. I know you are holding out hope and plan to give them yet another chance to disappoint you. Dear friend, in the words of Maya Angelou, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

In closing, we all have areas of our love walk that need improvement. If we confess to know God, his characteristics of love should be evident in our lives. So, the next time you tell God that you love him, stop and figure out if you really do. The next time you proclaim, “I love myself,” pause and see how self-love shows up in your life. And the next time you tell someone you love them, let it not just be a phrase you have on repeat, one that you say at the end of a phone call or in a text you send every now and then. Let love be in every fiber of your being. Show up as love, lead with love and serve with love.

If we don’t have the 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love for God, ourselves and others, then it’s actually not love at all and our lives won’t amount to very much. Let’s choose love. Let’s give love. Let’s share love every single day.

Love is kind, love forgives, love covers and love restores. Love will never ever…ever fail. Is this love? Yep, it sure is! ????

 

Please feel free to leave a comment if this blog resonates with you. I would love to hear your thoughts and will be sure to reply too!

 

Thanks for coming back again this month and hanging out with me…I’ll see you in March!

 

Journal and Greeting Card Giveaway: The first 10 people to leave a comment will receive a copy of my Party of ONE journal and a Party of ONE greeting card so that you can pay it forward. You will be contacted via email if you are one of the winners. You must reside in the USA.

 

You are celebrated and appreciated my fellow Party of ONE!

 

God’s best always,

Leslie

 

Scriptures to Ponder:

I Corinthians 13

I John 4:7-12

Psalm 36:7

Romans 5:8

1 Corinthians 13:13

1 John 3:1

John 3:16

John 15:13

Matthew 22:37-39