Invisible Weight

Hello and Happy January, Happy New Year, Happy 2022!! ????

We have been blessed to see another year and I am starting mine with expectation and gratitude!

I hope you enjoyed spending time with those you love during Christmas and created new memories.

Unfortunately, the pandemic is still with us and on the rise again in certain parts of our world. I am praying for those affected and those who have suffered loss.

 

Now for this month’s blog…

Ah, the dreaded scale. Most of us have a love-hate relationship with it. I sure do! Mostly hate…ha-ha! I eat one piece of bread and seem to gain 3 pounds. My body doesn’t know what metabolism is anymore.

In January of every year, we begin to see countless commercials centered around weight loss, retailers move workout gear to the front of the store, popular weight loss programs have special offers and we are inundated with all things weight loss! You can’t escape it.

The weight loss industry is not a billion-dollar industry for no reason. Weight loss plays a huge role in our society and unfortunately, we live in a culture where high value is placed on our physical image. While I believe that we should eat healthy, exercise and take care of our bodies, I do not believe that one size fits all.

We should strive to stay healthy but not become obsessed with the “perfect” body.  We can’t place our worth in a number on a scale that fluctuates every day. The scale is just a tool that can indicate progress or a lack thereof but it can’t measure the totality of who we are. Yes, our body is a temple and we should take care of it. God wants us to be in good health so we can fully enjoy the life he planned for us.

Since the pandemic started, many have seen a fluctuation in their weight due to stress from job loss, financial hardship, loss of loved ones, lack of socialization, sickness and just merely attempting to survive the new norm. So be kind to yourself for hanging in there and pushing through.

Being someone who has battled their weight for a very long time, I can fully relate to our struggle as women. Although, I am doing much better now, I tend to be an emotional eater. For me, food makes everything better…until I swallow the last bite and then regret sets in. Whether, happy, mad, sad, or glad, I gravitate towards food and sometimes mindless eating. It doesn’t help that I live in a state where food options are galore…good food too! The struggle is so real.

Unlike alcohol or drugs, food is not something we can avoid or live without, which makes it more of a challenge to stay healthy. It’s a daily battle to manage what we put in our mouths and choose healthy foods that nourish us.

The focus of this blog is not physical weight loss, recommendations of weight loss products, how to shed unwanted pounds or the number on a scale. We have been there, done that for years and for some of us nothing has changed. And if it did change, it was short lived.

Over the last few years, I have started being more intentional about getting healthy in every aspect of my life (spiritually, mentally, physically and financially).   In doing so, I found that my emotional health was one of the biggest reasons my physical health suffered. I was carrying a ton of invisible weight that needed to be processed but instead I had been stuffing it down with food. I had to tell myself that emotions don’t get hungry, so they won’t mind if I don’t feed them. I decided to start facing them instead.  Food may not be your vice to cope with your emotions. For some it’s sex, overspending, gambling, substance abuse, self-harm or social isolation; however, are all ineffective.

Today I want to focus on invisible weight, which in my opinion, gets overlooked and is rarely discussed. I have developed an invisible weight loss plan for us.

Our scriptural reference: Hebrews 12:1 (NLT)

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.

My definition of invisible weight:  An emotional heaviness that doesn’t show up on the scale or in the way our clothes fit. Emotional baggage we carry that weighs us down and keep us from making progress. Unrepented sin that keeps us stuck and prevents us from moving forward.  It’s the elephant that follows us throughout life until we address it.

Where did it come from? There are numerous ways that invisible weight enters our life, a few include: childhood trauma or neglect, mistreatment from others, mistreatment of ourselves, disobedience to God’s word, following our heart and ignoring God’s instruction, giving in to temptation, engaging in toxic relationships/friendships and societal pressure

Examples of invisible weight: (this list is not exhaustive, you many think of some I didn’t mention, please share them in the comments).

Pride, Bitterness, Envy/jealousy, Unforgiveness, Self-righteousness, Strife/backbiting, People pleasing, Co-dependency, Gossiping, Lying, Worry, Lack of boundaries, Low self-esteem, Fear, Doubt, Overextending yourself, Overthinking, Regret, Shame, Chronic depression, Perfectionism, Resentment, Lust, Rage, Offense, Self-pity, Hatred, Panic/anxiety, Sexual Sin, Soul ties

While I won’t define or elaborate on all of these, I want to highlight a few below that many struggle with.

People pleasing: In a nutshell, it’s attempting to be everything to everybody all the time. You forgo your desires, wants and needs to be accepted. It typically stems from feeling unworthy as a child so you always overextend yourself out of fear of rejection. This used to be a huge one for me, it is exhausting and will wear you out. You and God will always get the short end of the stick. When you put anyone above God that is dangerous territory because it becomes idolatry. That’s why God instructed us to love one another, reserve the pleasing only for Him.

Overthinking: Overthinking can cause you to be paralyzed by fear and the “what ifs.” It causes delay in decision making because you constantly second guess yourself. Your mind is stuck in a loop that continuously plays over and over again.  You dwell on past failures and mistakes, rehearse what you could have done or said differently. You are consumed by replays of events that occurred in your life. Overthinking hinders progress because you are consumed with worry.  You go to bed worrying, wake up worrying and spend the entire day worrying about things you cannot change. Overthinking is a waste of time and nothing good comes from it.

Envy/jealousy: This is a huge challenge for women and society in general. Jealously has been around for a very long time, remember Cain and Abel? It shows up in our interactions with family, friends, co-workers, strangers and even those in cyber world. It’s innate in all of us and we have to fight against it. Comparing ourselves to others, using our words to put others down, always trying to one up someone else, desiring someone else’s life, and pretending to be happy for someone but secretly hoping they fail are all signs of jealousy. It’s not a good look and we need to check it at the door of our heart and refuse to allow it to operate in our lives. There’s more than enough love, happiness and success for everyone. But being jealous blinds you to what’s possible for you!

Codependency: When you are co-dependent, you can’t function independent of anyone else. You lack the ability to think for yourself. You have a desire to be needed, fix other people’s problems, feel important and you thrive on attention. You have low self- esteem so your worth and validation comes people. You feel responsible for the happiness of others and will go overboard to take care of those around you. You also accept blame to keep the peace. People who know you are co-dependent tend to take advantage of your weaknesses and the relationship is dysfunctional. Codependency and people pleasing go hand in hand. It can also stem from childhood trauma.

Lack of boundaries: There are no restraints in place for you or anyone else. You have a hard time saying no or standing up for yourself and feel guilty when you do. You over give and allow people to take advantage of you.  You tolerate being mistreated due to fear of being rejected. You enter relationships easily and tend to overshare. Proverbs 4:23 speaks to the importance of having boundaries and guarding our heart. You determine your boundaries. Boundaries protect you!

Low self-esteem: Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself and comes from within. When you have low self-esteem, you feel worthless, unworthy of love or happiness and that you deserve mistreatment. You are unable to forgive yourself, always apologizing, and are extremely sensitive to perceived criticism. You feel you have to accept your lot in life and have a negative outlook. However, fearfully and wonderfully are two words that describe how God created you. It’s time to agree with God and start believing you are worthy and have value.

Fear: We are all familiar with the acronym for fear (false evidence appearing real). We say it and wear faith over fear t-shirts but the evidence of fear still shows up in our daily lives. Fear breeds anxiety, worry and unwanted stress. We are afraid to start over, try again, love again, live again and even hope again. We fear it’s too late as we have failed so many times. We fear what others may think and their opinion of us. We fear that we’re not enough, incapable or don’t have what it takes. We’re afraid to try something new and even succeed. Some fear that God won’t take care of them because they have been let down by man. Well, let me reassure you, God is NOTHING like man, he takes great care of his children. Fear is a spirit and 2 Timothy 1:7 tells us it did not come from God. So, let’s exchange our fear for God’s power, love and a sound mind.

How do I lose invisible weight?

Reveal: Identify the invisible weight you’re carrying. Being specific and honest with yourself is the first step, the other steps won’t matter if you can’t be honest with you!

Repent: After you have identified your invisible weight, you must ask God for forgiveness. Repenting is required when we have dishonored God. It also lets him know that we are ready to do something about it. Also be sure to forgive yourself and those who have wronged you.

Release: Let it go…not as simple as it sounds. There is a lot of work involved but God will help you do the work and even send people to support you along the way. But verbally releasing the invisible weight takes away the power it has over you.  You’re exposing it to the light…now the work begins.

Renew: Transformation starts in the mind. You have to tell yourself a different story. We are not our past experiences, what was done to us or what we did to ourselves. We are not who they said we were and no longer believe any negative words spoken over us. Yes, the experiences happened but they will no longer hold our minds hostage. We will not let fear, guilt or shame convince us that we are unworthy. We will stop rehearsing what we cannot change. Rather we will focus on the power of God within us to change the course of our lives. We will not only read the word but we will believe it and apply it. What God says about us overrides any other opinion, including ours. Christ died so that we could experience abundant life and we will not deny ourselves of that privilege. We are not too old and it’s not too late. We will be committed to our wholeness because we are worth all the effort it takes. We want to be the best version of ourselves so that God gets a return on his investment! 

Refocus: They say old habits are hard to break. I agree but I can attest that it’s not impossible. Retraining our minds to think differently can only be done through our relationship with Christ. Once you begin the mind renewal process, you have to shift your focus and pay close attention to your thoughts. Since your invisible weight is your default, you’re going to have to fight against the urge to slip back into those old thought patterns and behaviors. It may be helpful to write down ways you can refocus when you feel yourself going down that rabbit hole again. In 2 Corinthians 10:5, we are told how handle negative thoughts and Philippians 4:8 gives us the answer for what to replace those thoughts with. It’s time to bury your past failures and regrets. Show up for you, be future focused and live in the moment. God is always in forward motion. He has our ending already planned out and I can guarantee you it does not include any of the emotional baggage we are carrying now. Don’t miss your new thing by rereading an old chapter in your life, it’s time to turn the page.

How do I maintain the invisible weight that I’ve lost?

This may sound backwards but, in my opinion, losing requires gaining first. You have to gain the knowledge necessary to know what to do differently. If something hasn’t worked, doing it over and over again won’t make it work either. If you keep failing in a particular area, please stop long enough to figure out why.

In order to lose physical weight, we sometimes will go the extra mile and hire a nutritionist, personal trainer, join a weight loss program, or research other proven healthy methods for losing weight. Weight loss is important to us and we are willing to do whatever it takes.

In my opinion, the same should apply to our invisible weight. Many have experienced trauma to the degree that is beyond anything we know how to articulate let alone overcome. We have mother wounds, father wounds, traumatic experiences, abandonment issues that we have carried into adulthood and are still affecting our lives at this very moment.

I know that society and even most churches don’t emphasize or even talk about the importance of our mental wellbeing. However, God did not intend for us to get saved, sing Kumbaya and wait to go to heaven to be made whole. No, He desires that we prosper and be in health even as our SOUL prospers. And if that doesn’t describe our total man, I don’t know what does.

Our emotions play a vital role in our day-to-day life and decision-making process so being emotionally healthy is super important. I have to live in this body and manage my thoughts, so I am willing to do whatever it takes to make sure I’m okay, no one’s approval is needed. I have to live with me…24/7…365!

So, if you feel stuck or have so much to unpack that you don’t know where to begin, may I suggest you consider Christian counseling. Yes, I wholeheartedly believe in counseling and have been myself and would go again in a New York minute.

In July 2020, I decided to see a Christian therapist, one of my best decisions. I was dealing with residual effects of unprocessed childhood abandonment and rejection issues that were still showing up in my life. I was able to share my heart in an unbiased atmosphere, process my experiences and get tools to effectively cope going forward. I have become more intentional about my wholeness and will do whatever it takes to make sure I’m giving God, myself and others the best version of me.

We do ourselves a disservice when we refuse to release the things that weigh us down. We can’t run the race of life properly with unnecessary weight. It disrupts our peace and we forfeit our joy. You would be surprised how a few sessions of therapy could change your life for the better. Instead, we allow shame, embarrassment and fear to stop us. It’s hard to be open and honest with a stranger when you can’t even be honest with God and yourself.

God cares for our total being and yes, we can cast our cares on him as he is fully acquainted with our pain and disappointments. However, sometimes you need a person who can listen, provide support, help you process your experiences, and give you tools to use in your daily life. Just like we wouldn’t hesitate to see a medical doctor for symptoms that time and over-the-counter meds don’t resolve, it is wise to use that same approach when it comes to our mental health.

If you have a goal to lose weight this year, may I suggest you couple it with addressing the invisible weight in your life too. And if you have no physical weight to lose, it’s highly likely there is still invisible weight affecting your happiness and sense of fulfilment.

So, maintaining your invisible weight loss will require that you find the tools to help you be successful. Some of these may include: having an honest conversation with God, reading and meditating on scriptures that speak to your issue, sharing your feelings with a trusted friend, journaling, Christian therapy (Betterhelp.com is the world’s largest therapy platform, Faithful Counseling or you can find one in your local area), joining a support group, or reading books that address your particular struggle. These are just a few but take some time to come up with a plan you can commit to. Your mental wellbeing is your responsibility.  Make the decision to begin investing in you!

Self-assessment: (Write these questions in your journal and set aside some time to answer them.)

1. What invisible weight am I carrying?
2. What do I need to lose in order to actualize all that God has planned for me?
3. What is my plan for losing my invisible weight?
4. How will I maintain the invisible weight I’ve lost?
5. What are some non-food related ways I can celebrate my invisible weight loss? Celebration is important too!

In conclusion…

We should always be growing, learning and evolving into God’s version of us. We will always be a work in progress but that doesn’t mean we have to work on the same thing for the rest of our lives. We should strive for progression and maturity. Let’s be diligent about shedding anything from our lives that hinders us and dishonors God. When you walk closely with Him, he will reveal those things to you and stick by you as you do the work.

Let’s not waste this year. Let’s not be just hearers and readers but never doers. May we make it less about our peripheral vision by looking around at others. Rather let’s look within, up to God for help and straight ahead so we don’t miss where he is trying to take us.

The only reason our lives won’t improve in 2022 is if we don’t do the inner work. You’re worthy, deserving and can overcome anything if you believe it! One day at a time, one decision at a time. Let’s get rid of our invisible weight so we can soar to new heights. I’m ready for a change of scenery, what about you?!? ????

 

Please feel free to leave a comment if this blog resonates with you. I would love to hear your thoughts and will be sure to reply too!

Thanks for hanging out with this long-winded blogger…I’ll see you next month!

Journal and Greeting Card Giveaway: The first 10 people to leave a comment will receive a copy of my Party of ONE journal and a Party of ONE greeting card so that you can pay it forward. You will be contacted via email if you are one of the winners. You must reside in the USA.

 

You are celebrated and appreciated my fellow Party of ONE!

God’s best always,

Leslie 

 

Counseling Resources: (I have no affiliation with these resources.)

Better Help: the world’s largest therapy platform and offers access to licensed, trained, experienced, and accredited psychologists, marriage and family therapists, clinical social workers, and board licensed professional counselors.

Website: www.betterhelp.com

Faithful Counseling: a solution for people seeking traditional mental health therapy who would prefer hearing from the perspective of a Christian.

Website: www.faithfulcounseling.com

 

Scriptures to ponder:

3 John 1:2

Romans 12:1-2

Hebrews 12:1

Philippians 4:6-8

Colossians 3:5

1 Corinthians 6:19

1 Peter 5:7

2 Corinthians 10:5